The Impact of Family Law Matters for Children
Family law disputes can have profound and lasting effects on children, whether they involve parenting or custody disputes or disputes about the division of property. Although the Family Law Act and related proceedings should focus on protecting children from conflict, and promoting the best interests of children and protecting them from risk, the reality is that children are frequently the most affected parties even though they have the least control over the circumstances unfolding around them.
The breakdown of a family unit, especially when accompanied by conflict and litigation, can create feelings of anxiety, guilt, confusion, and sadness in children of all ages. Children may internalise the conflict, believing they are to blame, particularly if they overhear arguments or are indirectly exposed to animosity between people they love unconditionally. We see many examples where children feel compelled to “pick sides”, becoming staunchly loyal to one parent and rejecting any relationship with the other, simply because they lack the emotional maturity to negotiate the complexities of maintaining a relationship with both parents when they are in conflict with each other.
The family law system aims to act in the “best interests of the child,” a guiding principle in Australian law and many legal systems around the world. However, the adversarial nature of court proceedings can sometimes overshadow this ideal. Lengthy legal battles can cause further emotional strain, particularly when children are required to express preferences or provide evidence through interviews with psychologists or family consultants.
In some cases, the court may appoint an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) to represent the child’s interests. While this can provide a voice for the child in the proceedings, the overall process may still feel overwhelming or confusing for them, particularly if not explained in an age-appropriate way.
Exposing children to family conflict is not always direct or intentional. Exposure can simply be observing tones and responses from extended family, when the other parent is mentioned, or from behaviours that undermine the other parent’s role. For example, one parent insisting on having all communication with a school or medical provider, because they believe the other parent is irresponsible or incapable of parenting appropriately, can seriously undermine the parent-child relationship with the other parent.
The general uncertainty that accompanies family law disputes such as moving between homes, changing schools, and adjusting to new family dynamics, can lead stress and lead to feelings of instability. Exposing children to arguments about money can lead to feelings of anxiety over financial stability, and can cause children to feel unsafe or uncertain about their future.
Inconsistencies in parenting approaches, and exposure to differing household rules, can also confuse children and lead to behavioural issues. Children exposed to high levels of parental conflict are at a greater risk of developing depression, other mental health issues, and difficulties forming their own healthy relationships later in life. If one parent disparages the other or places the child in a loyalty bind, it can damage the child’s relationship with both parents and impact their development.
The effects of family law matters often extend beyond the immediate aftermath. Children who experience ongoing conflict, instability, or poor co-parenting may struggle with trust, academic performance, and emotional regulation well into adolescence and adulthood.
Conversely, when parents manage their separation amicably and work hard to protect their children from any conflict, maintain open communication with the children, and prioritise the children’s wellbeing, many children show remarkable resilience.
Minimising the impact of family law matters on children requires a child-centred approach from parents, lawyers, and the legal system.
Key strategies include:
Shielding children from conflict and avoiding derogatory remarks about the other parent.
Maintaining routines and clear communication to provide children with a sense of stability.
Encouraging open dialogue, allowing children to express their feelings without fear of reprisal or judgement.
Using alternative dispute resolution, such as mediation to reduce hostility.
Seeking support services, including counselling and family therapy, which can help children process their emotions in a safe environment.
Family law matters often represent one of the most turbulent periods in a family’s life, and children are uniquely vulnerable during this time. While the law provides a framework to protect their best interests, it is up to all adults (parents, new partners, grandparents and other extended family members, as well as professionals) to ensure that children’s voices are heard, their needs are prioritised, and their wellbeing is safeguarded at every step.
